So a 17-year-old boy comes home all excited from a date. His father is waiting up. The boy says, "Hey dad! I just got my first BJ tonight!"
The father's a little shocked that the kid is so open. Finally, he realizes 'been there, done that' and asks, "Well, how was it?"
The boy said, "Tasted awful!"
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Farmer's Dog
Farmer's Dog
A farmer was down on his luck having suffered a bad growing season, lack of crops and poor prices. To make ends meet he decided he'd have to sell his dog - a most intelligent animal.
A few days after placing the ad, a man came to see this "intelligent" dog.
When asked what the dog could do, the farmer pointed to a stand of trees nearby and informed the man there was a pond on the other side. He turned to the dog and commanded, "Hunt."
Immediately the dog took off for the trees, came back a few moments later and barked twice. The farmer said, "He just told me there are two ducks down at the pond."
"That's absurd." said the potential buyer. "Dogs can't count. He was probably just barking for the heck of it."
Just then a duck flew overhead, descended just past the trees and apparently landed on the pond.
"Now send him back and have him count!" said the man.
The farmer again commanded "Hunt!" and off went the dog. He came back shortly and barked three times.
The buyer finally believed the dog was smart and bought him on the spot.
A few days later the man took his new dog out into the woods where he knew there was a pond nearby. He commanded the dog "Hunt!" and the dog took off toward the pond and came back a few minutes later with a stick in its mouth. He came up to the man swinging the stick wildly around and began humping his leg.
"Smart, my ass!" said the new owner and promptly shot the dog.
When he got home he immediately called the farmer to complain. "Some dog you sold me! When I told him to 'hunt' he came back waving a stick and started humping my leg so I shot the queer critter."
And the farmer replied, "You f*cking idiot! He was trying to tell you there were more f*cking ducks than you could shake a stick at!"
A farmer was down on his luck having suffered a bad growing season, lack of crops and poor prices. To make ends meet he decided he'd have to sell his dog - a most intelligent animal.
A few days after placing the ad, a man came to see this "intelligent" dog.
When asked what the dog could do, the farmer pointed to a stand of trees nearby and informed the man there was a pond on the other side. He turned to the dog and commanded, "Hunt."
Immediately the dog took off for the trees, came back a few moments later and barked twice. The farmer said, "He just told me there are two ducks down at the pond."
"That's absurd." said the potential buyer. "Dogs can't count. He was probably just barking for the heck of it."
Just then a duck flew overhead, descended just past the trees and apparently landed on the pond.
"Now send him back and have him count!" said the man.
The farmer again commanded "Hunt!" and off went the dog. He came back shortly and barked three times.
The buyer finally believed the dog was smart and bought him on the spot.
A few days later the man took his new dog out into the woods where he knew there was a pond nearby. He commanded the dog "Hunt!" and the dog took off toward the pond and came back a few minutes later with a stick in its mouth. He came up to the man swinging the stick wildly around and began humping his leg.
"Smart, my ass!" said the new owner and promptly shot the dog.
When he got home he immediately called the farmer to complain. "Some dog you sold me! When I told him to 'hunt' he came back waving a stick and started humping my leg so I shot the queer critter."
And the farmer replied, "You f*cking idiot! He was trying to tell you there were more f*cking ducks than you could shake a stick at!"
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
On a school ski trip...
On a school ski trip...
to austria i managed to pull off the biggest shit you ever did see. As it was austria they had those german style toilets where your shit rests on a shelf before u flush (no idea why but hey) so after my giant struggle of the push i was left with a giant turd about the width of my arm lying there looking up at me...... the bastard wouldnt flush!!! So ten minutes someone walked in to the cubicle already expecting something nasty (the smell was horrific). I could hear the shout from my room down the corridor. Not content with beating it with the guy went and got his mates to have a look who al brought cameras and posed beside it as if it was theirs, strange people. After its fifteen minutes of fame the turd remained there overnight until i was awoken by loud scream of disgust of the cleaning lady.....
to austria i managed to pull off the biggest shit you ever did see. As it was austria they had those german style toilets where your shit rests on a shelf before u flush (no idea why but hey) so after my giant struggle of the push i was left with a giant turd about the width of my arm lying there looking up at me...... the bastard wouldnt flush!!! So ten minutes someone walked in to the cubicle already expecting something nasty (the smell was horrific). I could hear the shout from my room down the corridor. Not content with beating it with the guy went and got his mates to have a look who al brought cameras and posed beside it as if it was theirs, strange people. After its fifteen minutes of fame the turd remained there overnight until i was awoken by loud scream of disgust of the cleaning lady.....
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